Who is more strange?

Background
Been sick for more than a month. Visited doctor twice. Still sick. Decided to seek second opinion. Visited other regular doc, but was packed with people. Decided to take a drive around the neighbourhood and pop into the clinic that is open at 9pm, and with the least Q.

Strange Person No 1
I stepped into the clinic for the 1st time, expecting a nurse at the reception to ask me "See doctor? First time ah? Give me your IC." but no... nobody was at the counter. There were about 5 other patients with their partners sitting around. A very sick 6 year old with his maid/mum (can't tell), a pair of sisters (they look alike) and an aunty... patients look normal...

Still standing at the counter, peering through the counter to see if I can catch someone's attention. There was nobody behind... Out of a little corner, this Chinese looking lady wearing a Tudong walked out with a basket of medication. "Ah... she must be taking the prescription" i thought to myself. I smiled at her and handed her my IC. She took a look at me, and looked away as if I was transparent. "Tsk, this lady a bit rude." I thought. She gave the prescription to the patient and collected $21... "that's pretty cheap..." i thought to myself, still standing there, holding my IC. Without a word, she took my IC and disappeared to the back.

"Strange.... don't people here believe in talking?" I found a seat and sat there minding my own business. Took a look out the glass door and saw my hubby standing in front of his car waiting for me. He has to stop the car by the road as there ware no available parking lots...

Being, bored, I started to observe the surrounding. Normally restrooms are located at the back of the clinic, nicely tucked away in a corner. This restroom entrace is about 2m away from the maindoor, facing the patients' waiting seats. Looks more like a possible door to a second doctor's office... strange setup.I continued observing the patients and figured there should be at most 1 patient before me and wala I'll be done. I waited... 5 mins went by... 2 more patients came in and handed the silent nurse their IC... it was as if everyone knew they were not suppose to talk... the patient who was in there when I came was still in there... "what's taking them so long?"... Another 5 mins went by "ABC (my name)"

"Ah... she talks!" my inner man sniggered...

Nurse: Do u have any drug allergy?

ABC: No

Nurse: Telephone Number?

ABC: 91234567

Nurse: Address?

ABC: 123 House

Nurse: You are new, please read the rules & regulations and letter to new patients (she pointed on 2 A4 writeups pathetically laminated at the back of the wall)

ABC: (thought to myself) - huh... got rules and regulations? First time.... wierd... anyway... ok... and I read....

I can't recall the exact words and all of it, but those that stuck in my head read something to this effect:

Rules & Regulations:
1) Patients must give a clear history of illness to doctor.

2) Please do not interrupt the doctor when he is speaking. Answer his questions clearly. You may ask questions after he has finished talking.

3) If you are a Chinese, please use Mandarin (or your dialect) to converse with the doctor. Any improper use of words to describe the Chinese Language, please visit another clinic.

4) The law requires you to produce your IC, birth certificate or passport every time you visit the clinic.

The list goes on....

Note to New Patients:

To establish proper doctor-patient relationship, you are required to pay S$25 before seeing doctor... blah blah blah...

"wah.. this is super strange!" i continued reading.... and finally... i reached the end....

Nurse: Finsih reading? Understand all?

I nodded like an obdient little girl would.

Nurse: Please sign here.

I was like HUH???? Ok never mind, just procedure... after all every clinic has the right to run it's own way.. sign lo.. just scribble something there...

I waited.... the patient before me went in and only came out abt 8-10mins later... I waited.... finally....

This elderly, white-haired, small-medium built doc called "ABC"... it's my turn....I went in curious to find out how this doctor works... is he really going to speak Mandarin with me?

Strange Person No 2

(The following conversation may be a challenge for some to read the Mandarin words but please try.. i also struggled through typing this conversation).

*Note that all English words typed in the doc portion is said in Mandarin. I'm not sure what it is or how to write it so i'll supplement it in English...

** When words are typed in English, I really said it in English... Read as it is typed.

I knocked and open the door, I said "Hi doctor."

Doc: 你好。什么病？

ABC: 我病一个月不会好。Cough, then tonsils, then now a lot of mucus in my nose...

Doc scribbles in English. So I thought since he is scribbling in English, and I've converted to speaking English, now he'll know I can speak English... perhaps he will speak to me in English...

Doc: Mucus 什么 color?*

ABC: Dark Green, some white. 晚上cannot sleep, get choke then cough a lot. 我想 is dry cough.**

Doc: 有没有cough*?

ABC: 有 last time got phlegm now...**

Doc interuppts with a roll eye effect, followed by a sigh: 不要讲以前的事讲现在就好。

ABC (rolls eyes in my mind): OK, now cough 没有 phelgm just very dry.**

Doc: 有没有stomach pain*?

ABC: No**

Doc: 有没有vomit*?

ABC: No**

Doc: 有没有 allergy*?

ABC: No**

Doc poke his finger in between my brow and then my cheek bone asking 痛不痛？

ABC: No**

Doc: 有没有 smoke*?

ABC: No**

Doc: 家人有没有 smoke*?

ABC: No**

Doc: "£$"£%"%"£"£ 有没有 smoke*?

ABC: Huh?**

Doc blinks.... repeated 2 more times before I heard it...

Doc: Colleagues 有没有 smoke*?

ABC: Oh.... 没有**

In the midst of all these he checked my back, my lungs with the stethoscope, just as I thought he has finished checking, the stethoscope went around my tummy.... the conversation continues...

ABC: Doctor 我要 tablet 不要 mixture 可以吗?**

Doc stuck the thermometer in my mouth... opps I must have said too much and interuppted him...

Doc: Mixture takes long time to cure, tablet better.*

ABC: Ok then 我要 faster cure.** (with the thermometer still in my mouth)

Doc carries on with a list of questions that I cannot recall, continues to speak to me in Mandarin and continues to scribble in English... Finally he took the thermometer out and said...

Doc: 没有ｆｅｖｅｒ．*

ABC: I know.**

Doc: 你这个病也不是很严重。不要吃以前的药。吃我们clinic 的药. 一天河十杯烧水。Make sure it's hot water, inhale the steam, blow out your mucus then finish the water...*

ABC: OK**

Doc : 你星期五几点上下班？*

ABC: 8.30pm to 5pm**

Doc: 这就不能见你。(Looks up in the air to count his dates mentally) 星期四你好不好也来让我看看为设么病不好。一定要来。再见。

I walked out with every intention to tell the nurse i'm not coming back on Thurs. I waited... and then the strange nurse called me...

Nurse: take this 2 times a day... etc etc...that will be $23, you gave me $50 just now, I return you $27.

She turns around and walks off... I didn't even get a chance to say anything or get contact with her eyes...

I turned around and left. Just before I stepped out, I took a look back to see if I can get a namecard of this Quack doc... but no name card. Looked around for a name.. no name.... Strange... I'm never coming back...

Went home shared this encounter of the quack kind with my in laws. My mother-in-law is quite well versed with medicine names. She looked at what was prescribed to me... out of the 5 types, she only recognised 1. Which is unusual coz cold prescriptions are quite standardised.

Strange person no 3

My father-in-law picked up his mobile, called the clinic and requested for the doc....

FIL: Are you a real doctor? My daughter ABC came and see you just now, why did you ask her so many questions. Why you make her sign? What kind of medication did you give her... blah blah blah... so you're saying you're not a real doctor...

(gets cut off by the doc who claimed to be a Bangladash worker closing the clinic)

As my hubby and I prepare ourselves to end this strange night I asked him

ABC: Do you really think I should take this prescription... what if it's some drugs or some psychotic quack doc?

Hubby: Take and see what happens... Doc has been there so long, so many people go to him, no problem one la... take...

So I took. Minutes later, I felt really drowsy and... off I went...

Hubby: Ay wake up... need to get ready...

I stumbled out of bed and get ready for work... in the midst of all these, I noticed that the mucus has stopped clogging itself in my tiny nose. I didn't wake up with a choke in the middle of the night, neither did I wake up with a painful throat this morning.

Wow... quack doc's prescription works! BUT i cannot return to him again, coz I must have been blacklisted when my FIL said "my daughter ABC saw u just now..."

Hmm... maybe I should just turn up on Thurs at quack doc's clinic...am I strange too?



Highlights of a married Ribena... so lame....