Defining agony

Have you ever felt so alone? You can cry and scream, yet no one sees your tears or hear you? This weekend was pretty much one of my worst weekends ever. Even though I'm christian and i've got my God, but i'm only human, i still do feel that he's far away from me at times.

Feel there's no one who really understands me. No one really bothers reaching out... and all these while, i've been the one who's doing that. Trying to be the best that I can be. And each time various individuals keep 'pokin' at me, expecting me to take every shit. The final pin that broke the camel's back had to come from my own mother. Never did i know I would have the courage to walk away in a huff from her, but i did. Raced home, locked myself in my room and cried. Cried so hard that hours went by... cried to sleep, woke up, cried somemore again... I kept screaming out "God help me pls..." it was an agony that is pretty much indescribable with words.

Evening came, mum knocked my door and asked me what's wrong with me. I pushed her away and ask her to leave. I couldn't and didn't want her see me in this state. But I guess a mother's love prevails and persists. Even though you push her away she still loves you just the way you are, that was literally love in action yesterday. Told her what's wrong, i started screaming and then it was her turn, she cried and i cried. We talked things out and she finally prayed for me...
Through this whole ordeal and the emotional exchange that i had with mum i realised a couple of things, that she is already very proud of me in all that i've done and that i'm her strength. She draws her strength from me because sometimes she feels that my dad and bro isn't there for her. And through it all, she loves me dearly and just doesn't want to see me hurt. And i guess that's y she is the way she is with me...

Ytd was my 5 mths anni with J, he wasn't with me. Maybe he's fuming away and that i've made him irritable and mad. Feel as though i've been reduced to the ever subservient girl...Honestly i don't know why things turn out this way, i'm tired. All i ever want is to be the best for him. I only wish i can turn back the clock to the time we first met. Things were so different then...i bought him a gift anyhow, maybe i'll pass it to him when i meet him.

Am on 2 days MC because of a terrible migraine as a result of the past couple of weeks of 'pain'. Just saw the doc, he actually asked if i was going to be suicidal. haha... I'm not stupid, i still consider life to be a gift from God. Even right from birth, i already know that i've got a destiny in my Father's kingdom. I'm already feeling slightly better, drawing strength, hope and joy from my heavenly father.

Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt from all these. What doesn't kill, make you a stronger person.

~ Lara ~

What is wrong with this signage?

How can it be a storewide sale if it is on selected items only?

~SeamonkeY~

Food for thought

On a daily basis, as a couple both should be mindful of the reason/s of why he/she entered the relationship in the first place.

Then perhaps relationships in general would be more blissful.

Maybe...huh?

~ Lara ~

Who pissed me off today

I like man to be A MAN.

Man enough to take things in their stride, be generous and magnanimous at heart and stay cool when things get messy and solution-ised and not be a complaint freak.

A colleague in office, a man biologically, a woman in thinking (names forbidden in this blog).

I stay by the rule, if you think the company is not fair to you, didnt give you a good business unit to handle, leave by all means and find a greener pasture. I am aghasted at man whining non stop to the whole world and not coming up with solutions. Even more terrorised by such lady-man who start "verbally attacking" colleagues who are not responsible for the lousy accounts he has on hand.

Typical conversation with he-she, which at times pisses me off:

6th Sense : Hey customer is looking for this PC model which is under your care.
He-she : Customer didnt call me to ask for it
6th Sense : Customer needed 5 headphones frm my side and 1 from your side, so naturally they spoke with me and want me to pass the message to you.
He-she : hmm...ok lor. Anyway she have this headset wat, she can open from her stocks and treat it as a demo item lor
6th Sense : ok, you may wanna speak with her direct then
He-she : Customer didnt call me, you can call her lor

He-she : *giggles* Today your dress like pyjamas like that
6th Sense : *graciously* Hahhaa yah it looks big on me yeah! I cant find a belt to match it lei
He-she : *infront of a slight crowd* I know I know...nowadays you come to work late, so you just wear your pyjamas to work.
6th Sense : *forced smile*

Politics. Jealosy. Anger. Watever. I am not losing my cool. Rest assured I dont want to be talking to this lady-man anymore. Potential of being "betrayed" by him.

For christ sake do you have to tell the whole world I come in late?!

I smell danger with lady-man. Wonder what his wife sees in him?

6th Sense (*pissed but still cool*)

Who impressed me today...

Stress... don't you just hate that word? I'm suffering the repercussions of "Stress" now, having rashes on my neck and body.

I work in an interesting and "colorful" company, filled with "colorful" characters and not to mention, their "colorful" language... where the F-word seems almost as pleasant as "Hey...Gd morning, you look nice today!". A more recent update was that we actually had this as a point on a deck, and i quote "profanities are allowed here". Goodness me... i really wish people will stop swearing, it'll just make the world better place to live in.

Back to my "colorful" company... i am always interested to see how other men treat their women, be it gf or wives. And i guess to date, i can quite safely say, i know who the wonderful gentlemen are. :)

I bumped into one such gentlemen at the lift whilst on my way down the building. Hardly really speak to him, but my sources have told me that he can be really hot-headed and has quite the temper when it comes to work. When it comes to love, he's like a softie and is like the sweetest to his gf. Even when he's hard at a discussion with his team, if and when his gf calls, he picks up, tells her politely that he's at a discussion and will call her back later. I mean, the men who actually does that these days are far and few between.

Anyway, the conversation went like this:

Lara: Hi! Going back ah?
Man: Um, not really... i'm going for a drink.
Lara: *Raise eyebrows* Wah, so much energy, after such a long day at work, not tired still need to go and 'entertain'?
Man: Actually I AM tired... but my gf is meeting her friends. So i'll like to be there. Duty calls...
Lara: OH man, i think you're really sweet.
Man: I think so too... Ok here's my stop, taaa....

Okkaay... this may sound simple enough but all i can say is, given the industry that i'm in, and knowing what sort of person he is, I'm impressed.

~ Lara ~

In fact I do have a problem...

I was told today that perhaps I should reflect to see if I had a problem... for the second time. The first was my mother. I've always strived to be the best that I can be, be it at work, when i'm at home, with friends and with r/s. So how can there be a problem with me? Actually, come to think about it, I think I do have a problem.

I'm a peacemaker by nature and naturally but unfortunately, because of that, I tend to want to please people (esp the ones I'm close to), consciously and subconsciously. As a result of it, sometimes I end up internalising things and stressed, even getting a tad too sensitive.

Smiling even when i'm internally not happy, doing the stupidest things just to make someone smile, accommodating to conversations even though I had a really bad day, not saying my piece just to maintain peace at home. But, all I ever want is for the people that I love to be happy.

And unfortunately, this is a hard problem to solve and i don't think it'll ever be out of my system. So, God help me...maybe i should start cardio boxing again... need to channel my frustrations out.

Melancholicly yours,
Lara

Not just another wedding...

My nephew, Gav, got married this wkend. And though i'm not entirely close to him, but I had a wonderful time at his wedding, and my blessings to them both for eternity. I have attended many weddings but i have to say, his was by far the sweetest. The couple have been friends for the past 15 yrs and a couple for 13 yrs. The entire nite, both couldn't take their eyes off each other. They kissed each other just before they entered the ballroom. She teared when he sang her the wedding singer song "Growing Old with you". She hugged him, he took care of her every need. He beamed with pride the entire nite, showing off his new bride... 13 yrs!
I thought to myself they must have many long years ahead of each other. A love relationship that will stand through time.

What really impressed me was that they have been together for 13 long yrs and yet, they seemed as though they are celebrating their 1st mth anniversary. What is their secret... how do they do it? I wish...

Anyway... i wish them both well.

~ Lara ~

Names Schenames

I usually do not take notice of such things but ever since I have started house hunting, junk mail is not longer junk but carefully sieved through for housing information.

This was spotted at the void deck of Kenneth Cole’s home. Nothing really of interest to us but I was tickled pink by the names of the agents. In such a competitive market, you really have to pull out all stops in a bid for potential customers to give your flyer a second glance.

In case you have a problem sqinting, agent on the left is called Ah Boy and agent on the right is called Kiasu Ong.

~SeamonkeY~

Room with a View

This is the view from my new office.

Plans are already brewing in my head to turn this roof access into a permanent VIP area overlooking the stage below. Hmmm… maybe its best to wait till after my probation.

~SeamonkeY~

McGriddles...My lil fun experience...

I've been having a pregnated craving (in the figuritive sense, silly) for McDonald's breakfast since I last saw the standee with the McGriddles Poster a week ago. McGriddles is essentially your hotcakes meet sausage McMuffin (Seriously! Just nd to replace the Muffin bun with hotcakes bun). For those who love sweet and salty type food (like SeaMonkey), well this could possibly be your thing.

To me, the McDonald's brand and food speaks of FUN. And you have to take your hat off the McD's peeps... and possibly bow in awe "we are not worthy" when it comes to branding and product development and innovation. McGriddles to me is the perfect example. I absolutely had no idea what it was to begin with, all i know was that "McGriddles" sounded FUN. So that sparked my curiosity and triggered that 'pregnated' craving within the foodie in me. And even though when i unwrapped the McGriddles, sausage with egg, the hotcake bun was quite soggy, i didn't mind it. To me the whole experience was fun to the max.

Did i like the taste? It was not too bad. Would I eat it again? Probably not, the sweet/salty thing is really not quite my thing. I'll stick with my usual Egg McMuffin. But hey, when it comes to personal preference and taste, it's highly subjective.

Ps. Did you know? McD's write press releases about every single new burger they introduce to the market. It was fun when i was doing their PR many yrs back.

~ Lara ~

Well... can't think of any title for this... so Shoot me!

Previously Lara was caught up in her own world, now that she's back... Actually, she doesn't know if she's really back... Ok, she's now confused.

Met Seamonkey for a couple of drinks earlier (I guess it's now more convenient :D ), anyways, it's always wonderful to be able to engage in some girly banter now and then. So on my way to Seamonkey, I dropped by at MAC to buy zoomlash (the mascara)... and for marketers who totally endorse the whole social networking scene, i have to say this... MAC ZoomLash totally ROCKS! Retailed at only $21 but for me it's the best brand of mascara in SG.

Background to this... I'm trying my best to be a wise steward of my money, so i'm trying not to splurge on make-up or beauty products. Ok, products concerned... a mascara and a btl of shampoo.

Case 1: Mascara
- Went to Guardian and got suckered in to buying a Maybelline branded mascara. Yes, thanks to the stupid sign that says "Japan's No. 1 Best Seller". Ok fine... spent about less than $15 for it. So the next morning, i tried it...and it TOTALLY FAILED ME.
- As if one bad experience with a cheap brand wasn't enough, i had to go try another. Loreal's latest telescopic range of mascara. Forked out another $10-odd, only to find that it wasn't looking like Penelope Cruz's lashes, and it seemed as tho i had nothing on my lashes. So totally failed as well...

Moral of the story: Forget about saving and stick to my trusted brand, it's still cheaper than doing your own 'market research' on the other cheaper alternatives.

Case 2: Shampoo
- I have this diva friend who totally digs supermarket brands of shampoo. As most would know i can't use supermarket brands and only use salon brands. It's not that i'm spoilt, i really don't have a choice.
- So she recommended me to use Loreal Elseve. I've just started using my 2nd bottle of the shampoo and it's starting to cause my hair to drop and flakes starting to appear on my scalp. Being someone with already having weak root problem, I cannot allow this to happen. I mean, it will be a total disaster if i potentially end up looking like a cancer patient so young!
- Since then, i've caved in to buying my trusted brand of Kerastase and Rene Futerer (works esp well if you've got weak roots problem).

Moral of the story: You need to know how your body works. To each his/her own, if you can't take cheap products, don't. Some things are not worth saving the $$ for.

Ok... i'm tired now.

Signing out...
~ Lara ~